Grief and Anger, Part 2 of 4
A young woman hit by several deep losses through death asked for help in dealing with anger. She asked several friends, "I guess I'm in the anger stage of grief. I am so frustrated and taking my anger out on my husband and children. Some days I'm ready to explode. My family doesn't deserve to be treated like this. Help!"
The responses were so wise and helpful, I asked the women she asked for permission to share some of their advice with you. Over the next few days I'll post their comments with hope that they will encourage another who is struggling with the abyss of grief. This is Part 2.
My Response
I recognize the anger and the pain you describe. Heidi has expressed some very wise insights and there is not much I can add. However, as painful as it will be for you to acknowledge, your anger is toward God. It feels safer to express anger toward the ones you love because it is a fearsome thing to admit you are enraged by your sovereign God's actions in your life. And yet, I urge you to express just that to Him. He can take it and even encourages His children to express themselves to Him the same way that children do. Consider your little ones. How do you know when they are angry or disappointed? They scream and throw temper tantrums. Jesus exhorts us to come to Him as little children. Children don't filter their words, they are persistent when they want something and they don't hesitate to chatter about the things that are important to them. Your Father wants you to approach Him as a little child approaches a trusted parent. Right now, you are having a hard time trusting His love and what's the point of telling Him how you feel? He already knows. But the more you cultivate that relationship with Him, the more you will experience His love and your love for Him will deepen. Overnight? No.
It may take a very, very long time. But I guarantee you, it will happen. Don't be too hard on yourself as far as your feelings are concerned. BUT, be hard on yourself when you sin in your anger. Immediately run to Jesus and repent of your anger and then seek forgiveness from your children and husband. We cannot excuse sinful behavior because of the way that we feel. God calls on us to reflect Jesus. One of the ways I got through those very painful days was to remember that God had already equipped me for the tasks of the day. Even though I concluded He was delusional at times, because I know my heart and how limited and weak I am. By faith, I would plead with Him before getting up, to reveal the strength I needed for that day. Give yourself permission to put aside some tasks and instead rest, regroup, read to your babies, sit with your husband. You are very weary and it's hard to "behave" when we're exhausted. Look for ways to give yourself rest. Fill your home with music that speaks truth into your spirit. Ask a friend to be "on call" to pray with you when you feel like you're going to lose it - and when you call her, don't spend time explaining, just ask her to pray and trust God to give her the right words to meet your heart needs. Heidi is right on - you are very fresh in this journey. You're just learning to walk again. Give yourself time. Thanks for reaching out. You're asking questions that all of us have confronted and our answers are not quick fixes. But even that gives us hope.
More tomorrow.
In His grip, Sharon