Grief and Anger, Part 1 of 4

Originally Posted March 2, 2011

A young woman hit by several deep losses through death asked for help in dealing with anger. She asked several friends, "I guess I'm in the anger stage of grief. I am so frustrated and taking my anger out on my husband and children. Some days I'm ready to explode. My family doesn't deserve to be treated like this. Help!"

The responses were so wise and helpful, I asked the women she asked for permission to share some of their advice with you. Over the next few days I'll post their comments with hope that they will encourage another who is struggling with the abyss of grief.

Heidi's Response

I wish I could tell you I have all the answers, but I don't. I wish I could tell you to just "do this" or "do that" and it'll all get better, but grief has no manual. Grief has no schedule of events, no chain of command, no list to check off. It's just a train that keeps moving regardless of whether or not you are ready for the next stop or not. I think that today is probably a bad day, worse than most, because of your friend's death. In my own life, it took a couple of years, but finally my husband started to see a trend in my grief. When I was told of a death, or walked through it with someone, my own grief came so close to the surface, so transparent, so heavy. Your loss is so fresh. You are still in the very early stages, you are still trying to absorb it all. Being able to even recognize your pain and anger is good. Reaching out....even better. My mom used to tell me that as long as I was talking to someone, she worried less about me. Keep talking. Talk through your pain, talk through the stages, talk through the grief...cry, laugh....go through whatever stages you are led through.

As for you taking it out on your hubby and children, that is something I think you will learn to control. I think it becomes a choice, something we allow or don't allow. Even now, I have to choose to rise above my anger or my feelings, and it isn't always related to grief...sometimes it's just cause I am human. Reaching out when it's especially bad and asking for prayer, someone to talk to, someone to take that anger out on...so that you don't take it out on your baby....those are good steps to take.

This is all just off the top of my head, in a desperate attempt to give you something...anything, to help you through this bad day.

If I can do more....let me know. I'm praying....Heidi

My response tomorrow -

Until then -

Sharon