Why Him?
Carla Miller, Guest Writer
Today’s Treasure
He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.
Matthew 5:45b CEV
An alphabet-soup-of-letters appeared in a particular sequence at the conclusion of my husband’s medical report: “Neurocognitive Disorder, probably due to Alzheimer’s Disease.” The words formed held grave meaning and, although not wholly unexpected, the news rocked our world. My human response was to ask God, “Why him?” Gregg had devoted his life to honoring God, first in his relationship to Jesus by “walking his talk” and serving in multiple positions in the church. He was committed to me for over 48 years of a sweet and loving relationship. He was a present and involved father who modeled and taught Christian principles in our home and community. He supported us financially and provided for our physical and emotional needs. He loved others and communicated that very effectively. No, Gregg was not perfect; he was human, but he was an exemplary human in his roles and responsibilities.
Yet now, it seems so many of his greatest pleasures are being picked off. My “Gregarious Gregg,” a natural extrovert who thrived on interacting with others, cannot get his words out coherently or quickly enough to participate in conversation. Forced exclusion from conversation yields him loneliness and sadness as human connections fall away. Studying and reading the Bible was his daily habit and joy; now, he can’t remember what he just read, nor write out his thoughts in a simple study or workbook. I have to complete standardized forms because he gets stuck trying. He cannot serve as a problem-solver or peacemaker because that requires higher-level analytical thinking. He can no longer encourage others by phone or text, because he can't navigate his phone. He cannot even remember to pray for others. All this is very frustrating and isolating for Gregg. Seeing my dear husband suffer is disheartening, especially because I have no way to stop the relentless march of dementia.
There isn’t an answer to “Why him?” Gregg was not targeted by God. His frailty comes as a result of being in the human race. Our Daily Treasure verse reminds us, “He sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.” The better question may be, “How do we respond?” or “Now, what would you have us do, Lord?” I fall back on the faithfulness of God, Who has worked tirelessly on my behalf. God did not promise to withhold pain and trial; He promised to walk through it with us, giving us the comfort and power of His presence. He did not promise a “rose garden” life because we were His children; He promised an abundant life. He did not promise to protect us from all disease and harm but he did promise to meet our needs.
He warned in Matthew that:
…you cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it... Don’t worry, because your Father in heaven knows that you need all these things. What you should want most is God’s kingdom and doing what He wants you to do. Then He will give you all these other things you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Tomorrow will have its own worries.
Matthew 6:27,32b-34
God will give us all we need for today as we focus on pleasing and honoring Him. It is really a mercy that we cannot see into the future; could we bear up under all that is coming our way unless moment by moment?
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
With your loved one’s permission, be open and honest about your struggles and changes. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. Dementia cannot be avoided by lifestyle practices, so no responsibility for its attack can be foisted upon or claimed by the sufferer. Respect your loved one and help others feel comfortable in your loved one’s presence by including him/her in conversations and normalize speaking of the changes dementia brings. This is your life so be honest about your victories and defeats!
PRAYER
Giver of Life and Breath, Protect my heart from bitterness and resentment at the continuing decline of vitality and capacity I witness in my loved one. I choose to trust Your good plan for our lives and look for Your presence and power in the everyday challenges. Amen.
Sharon W. Betters is author of Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness and co-author of Treasures of Faith. She is Director of Resource Development and co-founder of MARKINC.org, a non profit organization that offers help and hope to hurting people. Sharon enjoys quality time with her husband, children, fourteen grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.
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Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.