Whatever it Takes - A Pathway to Christmas - Part 2
Christmas Accentuates Depression
Christmas accentuates depression, grief, broken relationships, discontentment, jealousy, shattered families. Even those whose lives exude joy and peace experience unexpected sadness when a familiar song stirs up happy memories with a parallel longing for what was.
As I enjoyed a rare day focusing on our home and preparing for cookie baking with our granddaughter, I hesitated before putting on Christmas music. I could feel tears rising so instead, mixed up another batch of cookies in a peaceful silence. Since the fatal car accident that took the lives of our son, Mark and his friend, Kelly, old Christmas songs can quickly pull me under.
Later that day, 13-year-old granddaughter Abby and I laughed and chattered about school, Christmas and life. We tried our hand at sugar cookies, using my mother's old metal cookie cutters.
Abby decorated cookies and I baked a family favorite, Lebanese bread. When I commented that we needed to have some Christmas music, Abby quickly set up Pandora on her phone. Surely baking with Abby protected my heart from digging into the archived memories of Christmases past.
The voice of Perry Como filled the kitchen with promises of coming home for Christmas and there it was: a memory of Chuck's mom, sitting in her Lazy-Boy, enjoying her Christmas tree, in a low-lit room, tears quietly trickling down her cheeks. When we asked why the tears, she shook her head and said the old Christmas songs always took her back to a happier time, when Christmas meant weeks of baking and cooking and preparing for a houseful of Christmas Eve guests, the candle lit Midnight Mass and the boys singing in the choir, when the train display took over her living room, when her husband broke the bank by shopping on Christmas Eve for the perfect gifts for the kids after she had carefully and frugally bought the socks and underwear for her boys.
Behind her longing for what was, was grave disappointment and sadness over where her life had taken her. Widowed at forty-five, raising her third son by herself, always worrying about whether she would have enough money to pay the bills. Every Christmas the same songs led her back to a place of joy but also a place that reminded her of everything she had lost.
Abby painted star cookies and hummed along as
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!
played and then,
I'll Be Home for Christmas.
Karaoke seemed the best way to break the melancholy of that moment. With a wide arm flourish, I added my voice and over acted out the song, to Abby's delight, who immediately joined in. We performed our big song ending and mixed up more yellow icing for the cookie stars.
The Yellow Stars
This blog was on my mind. I couldn't let go of the idea that just as the Wise Men would not rest until they found the new born King, we each have something in our lives that can drive us to the manger as well. Those cookie stars reminded me of the wise men who refused to stay home and just talk about the change in the universe. I wondered how much of Christmas I lose every year because I don't allow the circumstances of my life to lead me to the manger and then to the Cross. Once the wise men saw the change in the universe, they were not content to just study the star. They knew that star would lead them to a baby who would change everything.
The star confronted them with a choice – they could continue to talk about the star, study the star and philosophize about the star. Or they could leave the comfort of their homes, their comfort zones, and choose to pay a high price of travel and time to follow that star so that they could worship this newborn king.
Whatever it took, they would follow this Star to the new King.
This was a long journey. They weren't in the stable on Christmas Eve. In fact, they most likely found Jesus when he was about two years old. Even when the star disappeared, they refused to give up. Was it just their interest in prophecy and astrology or was it the broken places in their own hearts that drove them to keep on following the Star?
After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.
When they saw the star, they were overjoyed (the star reappeared).
On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him.
Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.
Matthew 2:9-12
As Abby finished up her decorating, my mind stayed on those yellow stars. I remembered the moment God used a Christmas card back in 1993 to pull my eyes toward the Light of Jesus, to call me to the same journey of the Wise Men. In the middle of a dark sky, a brilliant star shone above the words:
The light entered the darkness and the darkness could not overcome it.
John 1:5
The eyes of my heart squinted, desperate to see this Light, and to believe that no matter how dark my despair, this Light would break through the midnight sorrow. The message was clear: like the Wise Men I needed to pursue that Star, and allow nothing to deter me from finding Jesus. Whatever it takes, follow the Light that overcomes the darkness.
The great orator and preacher, Charles Spurgeon suffered from chronic depression, telling his congregation:
I find myself frequently depressed - perhaps more so than any other person here.
How could the "Prince of Preachers" as he was called, also experience that parallel line of sadness when his foundation was the Light of the World? Spurgeon followed this statement with:
And I find no better cure for that depression than to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and seek to realize afresh the power of the peace-speaking blood of Jesus, and His infinite love in dying upon the cross to put away all my transgressions. Charles Spurgeon
How did Spurgeon battle his life-long struggle with depression? Whatever it took, like the Wise Men, he followed the Star to Bethlehem. His depression was his pathway to experiencing the "power of the peace-speaking blood ofJesus, and His infinite love in dying upon the cross to put away all my transgressions."
That "low-grade" depression or dis-ease so many of us experience can be a pathway to the manger. Our pathway might look different from past Christmases, we might choose to avoid those activities that we know will stir up a flood of emotions that we're not ready to or able to face. The Wise Men adjusted their journey when Herod threatened them. But they didn't quit when the journey was harder than expected. Whatever it took, they followed the Star. Were they broken men, hungry to find what was missing in their lives?
Like the Wise Men we have to make choices each day as we travel to the manger. Will I like the Wise Men, stay focused on following the Star, no matter how dark, even when the Star "disappears?" Will I choose to believe that the darkness cannot overcome the Light? Will my own neediness drive me to the manger? To allow Christmas to seep through the very cracks God uses to let His light shine in my darkness?
John Piper, internationally known speaker and author says this about pursuing Jesus:
Consider Jesus. Know Jesus. Learn what kind of Person it is you say you trust and love and worship. Soak in the shadow of Jesus. Saturate your soul with the ways of Jesus. Watch Him. Listen to Him. Stand in awe of Him. Let Him overwhelm you with the way He is."
John Piper
The Wise Men would not rest until they had a personal audience with this King. They were not just curiosity seekers. They considered Jesus and they wanted to know Him as King. Their knowledge was not enough. They wanted to meet Him. They were determined to worship this King and honor Him with gifts. Their journey and those yellow cookie stars challenge me to recognize that those weepy moments, that longing for what was can be my pathway to the manger, where Jesus can saturate my soul with His ways. Christmas celebrations will never be what they were, but when the Light enters the darkness, I know that Light will open my eyes to new joys. Whatever it takes.
In the middle of a deep or low-grade depression, the star that is Jesus, the Light of the World, is calling us to move against our emotions in order to meet the tasks of the day, or like the Wise Men, He is directing us to serve Him in a way that will be costly, self-sacrificing. Those yellow cut out cookie stars challenge me to ask if I am ready to choose the pathway that is long and hard, by faith trusting that His ways are also the pathway to joy?
They would not rest until they had a personal audience with this new born King and no matter how hard others tried to stop them, they pursued that Star until they were bowed before the King. Oh, for my own heart to pursue Jesus with the same confidence that He is the King of Kings. Whatever it takes.
In His grip,
Sharon
Visit
HELP AND HOPE FOR THE HURTING - FREE RESOURCES
where you'll find many free resources that offer help and hope to the hurting.
Like
on Facebook and receive