Townville Elementary School and Fear
The mother of a student at Townville Elementary School told CNN Greenville Affiliate WYFF that her daughter and classmates huddled in a bathroom.
"Her teacher was shaken up. I know all the kids were scared. There was a bunch of kids crying," the unidentified woman said. "She didn't talk for about five minutes when I got her... I'm just so scared. I don't even want her to go to school now."
The mother said she was praying for the families of the injured. (Source: SC Shootings: Three wounded at School, Man Dead at Home by Steve Almasy and Keith Allen, CNN)
Terror in an Elementary School
Media quickly spread the cause of these chilling words from the mother of an elementary aged child:
Two students and one teacher shot, one student critical.
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Teenager in custody, subdued by a volunteer firefighter.
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Father of suspect, Jeffrey Osborne, 47, found shot dead at nearby home.
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Investigators know of no motive.
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Source: Huffington Post, Townville Elementary School Shooting
I thought of our elementary aged grandchildren as I visualized terrorized little children running to the bathroom of their classroom, gun shots ringing in their ears and I recognize the fear and profound shock in this mom’s words. Who cannot imagine the tears and near hysteria as the children tried to remain quiet, hoping the gunman would not find them. Did scenes from other school shootings rush through their young minds?
Because of my own life experiences, I know that these families will not soon “get over” the fear of sending their children to school or even letting them out of their sight. If I could speak to this mother, I would share how fear drove me to find a way to live life without constantly waiting for the “other shoe to drop.”
My story goes back to a summer night in 1993.
I Guess We’re Starting Over Again
Chuck and I followed our seventeen-year-old son, Dan, out to the car. Our faces revealed the fear bubbling up into our words. “Dan, follow the speed limit, don’t rush, watch out for other drivers. . .” And then we repeated the same instructions, knowing we had to let him go, terrified this could be the last time we would see him alive.
Fear. The root of fear is the fear of death and it can be a powerful force for good. Stories about fathers lifting a car off of their child or a mother’s strength overcoming grown men trying to stop her from running into a burning building to save her sleeping baby. . . These stories fill us with awe and we wonder if that same supernatural strength would be ours if our loved ones were in danger. And we're sure nothing could stop us from saving our child.
Yet, Chuck and I could not prevent the deaths of our youngest child, sixteen-year-old Mark, and his friend Kelly, who were in a fatal car accident a few weeks before this moment with our son, Dan.
Dan was eighteen months older than Mark. We often commented that the boys were connected at the hip. Before that horrific accident, Mark would have been getting into the car with Dan that warm summer night. That night that we hovered like helicopters over our third child.
Dan showed remarkable restraint for a seventeen year old, as we repeatedly cautioned him to be careful. He looked at us across the hood of the car and kindly asked, “I guess we’re starting over again, aren’t we?”
I could barely respond, as tears threatened to fall, “Yes, Dan, we’re starting over and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Even as I’m writing those words, the terror of those days rushes back and tears freely fall.
“It’s ok, Mom and Dad. I get it. And I’ll be careful.”
That was over twenty years ago, and Dan came back safe and sound. But that was the beginning of learning to face each day without allowing fear to control my thoughts and actions. It’s been a long journey and such news stories remind me that fighting fear is a ongoing battle.
Fear can be a powerful force that drives us to make decisions that will protect not only us, but those we love. But the flip side is it also can be a force that locks us up into a cage, a prison.
As parents we have to demonstrate how to acknowledge fear but also how to master it.
For me, the only place I found strength and wisdom was in Scriptures that encouraged me to see my God as my Rock, Rest, Rescue and Refuge (Fortress), Psalm 62.
The Scriptures give us a transparent picture of fearful men and women struggling to face life with strength and confidence. The writer of Psalm 62, David, describes himself as fearful, forsaken, running from enemies who wanted to destroy him. In this fearful prison of anxiety, he turns to the only place He knows is secure. He prays and through prayer David concludes, “My soul is still only if turned to God” or “My soul is still if focused on God alone.”
He brings his fears, struggles, afflictions, problems, stress, all of it - to God through prayer.
He worships through prayer and something supernatural happens. By worship his thoughts are turned from terror to focusing on God: His Rest, Rescue, Rock and Refuge.
Now he is still. Now he is peaceful.
He no longer wavers.
He is sure.
Because his soul focuses on God.
He now has a firm footing – he is standing on the Rock.
He is now protected from assault. David finds refuge in his Fortress.
His seeing, thinking, and whole life point in a different direction.
He sees life from the stand point of God’s perspective.
No matter what may happen to him in this life –God will eternally rescue him – God is his salvation. Imagine this strong man, taken down by fear, desperate for a way to survive. Did tears stream down his cheeks while he wrote these words:
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
[2] He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
He draws strength from the time spent focusing on God.
He wears a different set of glasses through which to view his circumstances.
How intriguing that he speaks about his enemies in the third person, as though he is detached from their personal attacks. Previously he was in torment because of their lies and implications and slander against his character. But now, they don’t have the same emotional impact.
There is a contrast in his emotions
[3] How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down--
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
Psalm 62:3
. Replace his tormenters with your own:
“How long with fear pound in my heart? Will it destroy me? I feel so helpless.”
Bring this home, Name the emotions that torment you. When fear threatens to destroy my ability to enjoy life, I admit with David, that I am a teetering wall, a tottering fence. I am weak, ready to allow fear to control me. What to do, what do. Oh God, help me.
Yes, We Are Starting Over Again
David had a long history with trusting God. And yet, in this moment, fear brought him low. We see this theme again and again throughout David's writings. Fear overcome by something greater. What was that something greater?
In the secret place of David's heart, something supernatural begins to happen. Through prayer, David discovers a deep source of strength, a strength hidden from his tormentors. Mysterious strength, but clearly flowing through his soul. These afflictors will not master him. They are in his life, but they are not the focal point of his life. The circumstances are not changing. They are still trying to throw him down, to topple him. And yet this secret source transforms the illusion of giants into gnats. Annoying, yes. Powerful? Not any more.
David doesn't keep his source a secret:
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:5 - 7
From Misery to Mercy To Ministry
The world is a scary place. Attacks on schoolchildren will not stop and the headlines scream that terrorism is here to stay. How can we walk without fear in this desperately uncertain world? This is a big question that cannot be adequately addressed in a blog. But this I know. We can not only learn to confront fear, we can offer to others the help and hope that we have experienced.
David cannot keep his antidote to fear to himself. Trust in God does not lead us into isolation but rather back into our world, empowered by our time with Him, eager to offer others the help and hope that only He gives. My counsel to the moms and dads and teachers at Townville Elementary School is to give yourselves time to process these horrific events. Be careful of how you communicate your fears to your children. Realize they will take their cues from you. As you quietly spend time soaking in the truth of David’s own battle with fear and embrace his antidote, realize the battle against fear will not be won quickly. Speak truth to yourself again and again, the same truths that David clung to. That God can be your Rock, Rest, Rescue, and Refuge. We often cannot control our circumstances, no matter how hard we try, but we can control our response. Our children are desperate for parents to be their place of Rest, Rescue and Refuge. That happens when we embrace God as our Rock.
Just as David exhorts others to trust in God at all times, to pour out our hearts to Him, encourage your children to find strength in Him through recognizing that the God who gave His Son, Jesus, as a means to offer help and hope through redemption, that God can be trusted, even in the broken places of life. As you experience strength and peace, slowly and surely communicate that peace to your fearful children, moment by moment, day by day, week by week, month by month.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him, (Be honest about your fears)
for God is our refuge. Selah Psalm 62:8
And so like David, when fear threatens to color the way I view life,
I talk to myself, I exhort myself. Sometimes I must repeat this again and again and again until my heart rate slows down and I can take a deep breath as I confront those fears:
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:5 – 7
Each time I hear about these horrific events, I know the journey toward peace will be long and hard for the families affected. My prayer is that you will find rest in God alone, as you face each day battling fear in order to offer strength and peace to your children.
Blessings,
Sharon W. Betters
MARKINC Ministries
For more help and hope, especially to those grieving the loss of six-year-old Jacob Hall, listen or download free of charge:
For more Help and Hope, visit www.markinc.org and click the Help and Hope link where you will find numerous stories that address difficult life circumstances.