Encouragement in the Wilderness of Suffering, Part 3

Without fail, during every Q & A after I speak at a conference, someone will ask, "How do I help my grieving friend?  No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to help.  I feel hopeless that she will ever get better."  And I always respond, "God doesn't call us to fix anyone, that's His job.  He calls us to be His channels of compassion through the ministry of biblical encouragement. Don't give up.  Ask Him to show you specific ways to be 'God with skin on.'  We want to pick up our loved one and move them past the agony of grief, but they must lean in to the pain if they ever hope to find a new level of normal.  You can be one of the ways God keeps His promises of help and comfort as you walk with her in this valley of darkness."  And then I suggest that they read Chapter 11 in Treasures of Encouragement, Women Helping Women, where I describe how friends helped us limp along in our own pathway of sorrow.  Here is an excerpt:

Treasures of Encouragement in the Wilderness of Suffering

Faithful friends with servant's hands not only encouraged me to keep moving but came alongside to help me do so. One special friend called every week to decide what project we would work on to get our house ready for our daughter's December wedding. She came alongside to help make decisions, paint, paper, redecorate. One day she organized a group of about ten people who did a summer's worth of yard work while others painted kitchen cabinets. They looked around, saw what needed to be done, and did it. They understood that we had no idea of what our needs were. They didn't say, "Call me if you need me." Most bereaved people will not respond to that message. It isn't that we aren't grateful. It's just that we are on emotional overload. Every bit of energy is being used for survival.
Others realized that we needed to be in charge of details concerning Mark, and they brought those decisions to us rather than making them for us.
Friends stayed with us through the night of the accident and the days following. They prayed and wept with us, kept the coffee going, and made sure there was food in the house, plenty of paper goods, tissues in every room, and cold wet cloths for our faces. They kept lists of gifts, phone calls, and messages. They ironed shirts, put away clean clothes took out the trash, watered and ran the dogs and watered the flower beds. All without asking what we needed them to do.
Some people prefer privacy in their grief, but for us the constant flow of friends to our home satisfied our need for a physical expression of God's love. We needed to see their tears, feel their hugs, see the agony in their faces. Beautiful flowers and plants reminded us of the beauty of our son - now serving God in heaven. Parents who had lost children stepped back into their own pain to give us hope. Friends helped clean Mark's room and were with me when I found his prayer journal, further affirmation of his walk with Christ.
Galatians tells us to bear one another's burden so that we can bear our own burdens. In the first few months of our grief, the body of Christ swept us up and carried us along. We were powerless to carry ourselves. Now as a result of their encouragement and strength, we are able to bear our own burdens.
After Mark's death, I questioned the sufficiency of God to help us survive. But God, in His grace, provided members of His body who believed in His sufficiency for us when we could not believe it for ourselves.
Grief is terrifying both to those experiencing it and those who have to watch it happen. We want to make it go away, but the Bible tells us there is a time to grieve. It is a natural process that leads to healing and wholeness.

Wise encouragers know they are there to facilitate the process, not stop it. For people who are problem solvers, this is a hard assignment. An understanding of God's sovereignty equips us for this job. Although circumstances do not make sense, God does, and He will supply whatever His children need.
Treasures of Encouragement, Women Helping WomenTreasures of Encouragement,, pages 193 - 194. Used with Permission from P & R Publishing.

What's your encouragement story?
May God give you a deepening sense of His presence as you offer His treasures of encouragement to others.

In His grip,
Sharon

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