Love Has a Pricetag

Elisabeth Elliot

In her classic piece, A Man Moves Toward Marriage (source: Love has a Pricetag by Elisabeth Elliot), Elisabeth Elliot addresses the topic of men, dating and marriage. She doesn't pull any punches and declares that "If men would be men, women could do a better job of being women (and vice versa, of course but the buck really stops with the men). What does it mean to be a man? Christ is the supreme example. He was strong and He was pure, because His sole aim in life was to be obedient to the Father. His very obedience made Him most manly - responsible, committed, courageous, courteous and full of love. A Christian man's obedience to God will make him more of a man than anything else in the world."

Elisabeth continues to describe the qualities that flow from obedience to God: responsibility (Man was made to be initiator, provider, protector for women); commitment (He must be a man of his word, no matter what it costs.); Courage (a man must be willing to take the risks of
rejection, blame and all that commitment costs.); courtesy (A Christian's rule of life should be: my life for yours.); Purity (He must be master of himself if he is to be the servant of others.).
Valentine's Day conjures up a definition of love that includes roses and candy and silky lingerie. But single girls, while you're waiting for that one true love, carefully consider these character qualities. Don't sell yourself short by settling for a man who does not share a commitment to obedience to Christ. But also understand that you will not find a perfect man to perfectly meet your needs. And is that really what you should be looking for?  A man to meet YOUR NEEDS?

 We live in a culture that seems to demand that very thing.  It's all about me, you know?  I NEED a man who.....I EXPECT a man to.....I WANT a man to.....  Our narcissistic hearts are all about ourselves, me, myself and I.  Am I saying to settle for second best?

It would be easy to end the challenge with the spotlight on men, but godly men are looking for women who are sold out to obeying God's Word and cultivating a character that reflects redemption. As I review these qualities outlined for me, I am challenged to look at my own heart and consider if I am selling my husband short in any of them. Am I a woman of my word, no matter what it costs? Am I courageous in taking risks by serving those who may not appreciate my heart or acts of love? Am I courteous, other oriented? Am I a woman of purity? Do I discipline myself in a way that flows out into serving others? The truth, in a word.  No.  I fail miserably.  I am selfish, I like being thanked for being nice!  I am not always courteous and definitely not always other-oriented.  Because I am a woman who is still learning what it means to be a Christ Follower.  I often think how much easier it would be for my husband to be the man God calls him to be, if I were the woman God is calling me to be - to become.

Marriage sands the rough edges of our souls.  I interviewed a woman today who described what it was like to be married to a man who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder.  I'll share more of her story in a later blog.  But in their marriage I saw a woman who chose to grow up and be a safe haven for her shattered husband, a woman who learned, slowly, ever so slowly (and isn't that how we grow up?) to connect on the most intimate levels with her husband, who grieved over the loss of what she hoped for in her marriage, but began to see that perhaps there could be a different kind of marriage for her, maybe even better than her dreams. She now rejoices over the sweet life they share, those "secret places" of knowing each other and shared laughter and humor and tears and oneness. Places built through the hard, hard work of transparency, humility, dogged determination to keep on keeping on, forgiveness, rebuilding.  In a word, through Redemption. She described their trust as holy ground, ground that is hard won through self sacrifice and grace and forgiveness and humility.  And she credits it all to knowing Jesus and the excruciating pain He suffered to give them grace and peace and strength for this pathway.

As we think about love and Valentine's Day, let's think about the greatest love reflected in the man of all men, Jesus. And how He longs for His great love to flow out through our lives (men and women) and into the lives of others. Look for a man who has experienced that kind of love and be the woman who cherishes and holds close to her heart this kind of love.

In His Grip,
Sharon