Dealing with Difficult People During the Holidays

Twelve Days of Christmas Grief Relief, Day 10

Do you cry over the Hallmark Card commercials the way I do. The one that really gets to me is when the family is gathered around the piano and an little girl starts singing O Holy Night. A few words into the hymn and a soldier slips into the room, obviously the brother or son, surprising his family with a Christmas return. He joins his sister in singing the hymn. Oh my, I can't stand it!

But I wonder how many people watch these beautiful vignettes designed to evoke emotions that will drive us to find just the right card or purchase a gift that subconsciously guarantees a strong family feeling? Unfortunately, many people dread holiday family gatherings, knowing that conflict will reign as relatives unload hostility and hatred instead of love and peace to all.  And grieving people have even fewer filters to depend on when confronted by such self-serving behavior.

Years ago I heard a speaker encourage us to accept that the father who always shows up drunk or the mother who slices and dices with her words will not submit to a twenty-four hour "cease fire" so that we can have a Hallmark Card Christmas. We have to accept that angry, broken people will probably be even angrier during the holidays. We should view them as irregular people and expect them to behave as they always do.
What is an irregular person? When I was a teenager my mother shopped at the Wilmington Dry Goods, a store that sold clothing with "irregular" stamped on the labels. She carefully inspected each purchase for ripped seams, holes, even measured sleeves to make sure they were the same length. She knew the clothing was not perfect, she expected to find flaws. She had seven children to clothe and the prices fit her budget. Imagine her delight when she found clothing that had minor flaws that weren't noticeable or hidden. Like this clothing,  an irregular person is damaged. While some are more damaged than others,  I think that definition includes every one of us. Each of us is an irregular person. Some of us are better at hiding our flaws than others. For those who display their irregularities with neon signs that annoy and hurt others, we must remember that but for the grace of God, there we are as well. Many people who repeatedly hurt others most likely were victims of hurtful words and behavior, especially at the hands of their parents or what should have been trusted adults. We will experience more peace and joy in family gatherings if we won't expect them to change in order to give us a great Christmas.  But that still doesn't address how to prepare our own hearts to behave graciously. Tara Barthel takes us a little deeper in preparing for those difficult relationships. 

Tara Barthel, Considerable Grace Blog

In her Considerable Grace blog, Tara Klena Barthel transparently shares her own struggle to overcome childhood conflict and genuinely love family members that once caused pain in her life. Tara is known for her passion for Peacemaking and is a well-known author and speaker. If you need help in knowing how to practically prepare for dealing with difficult people during your holiday celebrations check out her post,  Family Conflicts and the Holidays. And while you're there, check out others inspiring resources by Tara Barthel.

May you prepare your hearts for family gatherings by reflecting deeply on the grace God has extended to you.
In His grip,

Sharon