Inbox, Outbox, IM Emotional Adultery
"Something told me to check his email and there it was - evidence that my husband had an online relationship with one of my friends. I was stunned by the flirting and flattery. They both insisted they were innocent and I was the one with the problem. But I know unfaithfulness when I experience it."
Over the past few years, Chuck and I have listened to women share too many of these stories. They go like this: A wife has a sixth sense that her husband is emotionally involved with another woman. He denies any wrong-doing. She feels guilty for suspecting him but can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. Then an instant message meant for her husband crosses the computer when she's online or she "accidentally" stumbles on email or text messages that reveal a familiarity that feels invasive and unsettling. Her husband and his online pal usually deny any wrong-doing, protesting that they are just friends. He refuses to end the communication, claiming his wife is possessive, obsessive and needs to grow up. The wife starts to feel as though she might be the crazy one, but can't let go of the feeling that something isn't right. We hear the story, because the wife's instincts turn out to be correct.
As terrific as technology, email and online communication is, there is a downside that can start out innocently yet slowly begins a slippery slope into emotional adultery and sometimes continues into physical adultery with the end result of destroyed marriages.
How do you know if you're the other woman or in danger of becoming the other woman in this tech-based emotional adultery? Honestly answer these questions:
- Do you check your email or texts frequently, hoping to see his name
- Does your stomach flutter when you see his name?
- Do you open his email before you open anyone else's or quietly giggle when he sends you a flirty text?
- Do you look for excuses to "stop by his electronic desk," sending quick messages, hoping to engage him in a longer conversation?
- Do you try to catch him online, texting throughout the day or night?
- If you're married, can your husband access your email, Social Media accounts, and phone at any time?
- Would you be embarrassed if your husband read the emails, texts or Facebook/Social Media messages you are exchanging with the other man? What about the other man's wife?
- Would a friend who knows you well pick up on the emotional undercurrent of your communications?
- Do you get up in the middle of the night to see if he's sent you a text or message?
- When you're online or reading texts, do you listen for your husband so you can hide emails or texts from him? Do you delete online conversations with him to get rid of any evidence?
- Would you telephone him for the same reason you are texting, i.e. just to chat or catch up? What if his wife answered the call?
- Would you be comfortable with his wife knowing you're "talking" to her husband at 1 o'clock in the morning, 11 o'clock at night or throughout the day?
- Sadly, technology has given us the freedom to jump from a casual relationship into intimacy very quickly. Sisters, think carefully about the lives you are destroying with such a casual attitude toward another sister's marriage. For more on this topic, check out Ending Online Inappropriate Relationships
- What are your thoughts? Are you or have you been the online "other woman?" With what results? Your mistakes and lessons learned might help another woman stop her downward emotional adultery slide before it causes grave sorrow in another woman's life. Private message me on Facebook or at sharon.betters@markinc.org for prayer or help. Leave a comment to encourage others.
Until next time - may you experience the treasure of God's presence as you walk by faith today.
In His Grip,
Sharon