Regrets and Love
By Barbara Reaoch, Guest Writer
Today’s Treasure
And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.
Ruth 1:15-18
In today’s Scripture reading, we see Naomi full of regrets and love. She tells her daughter-in-law to stay behind. The life of widows in Moab is hard enough. But how could her daughters-in-law possibly survive as foreign widows in Israel? No one would want to marry them there. If they stayed in Moab, they’d have a better shot at remarrying and starting a new life. Orpah agrees. But Ruth surprises Naomi, insisting she will go with her.
What can Ruth hope to gain from staying with Naomi? Ruth is not naive. She knows life will be hard. But she loves her mother-in-law and she loves her mother-in-law’s God. And now she acts on that love.
What if you have been hurt? Or your in-law is disagreeable? Maybe she’s even unkind. How can you love a woman so unlike you? She’s nothing like the person you dreamed she’d be. Is there any hope of developing a loving relationship with her?
We enter the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship expecting what we want—the best. Instead of the dream coming true, suddenly it seems we’ve ended up in a nightmare. What can we do? Our unrealistic expectations have only made us super-sensitive. The ugliness of sin smacks us in the face. Our inconsistent feelings mislead us. How can we help but go in the wrong direction? Love has disappeared.
We’ve been hurt. We pull away. Self-protectively, we watch for more ways she’ll miss the mark. We begin to justify ourselves. She deserves my emotional distance. Our hearts say, “I’ll love my in-law when she stops hurting me.” As if love could ever be pain-free! We pretend to love our in-law, but we talk about her behind her back. We find ways to punish her or we take it out on our husbands. Bitterness and cynicism grow. How did we ever think we could stir up love? We give up.
Committed love—what is it? Ruth teaches us the hard truth: committed love is more than a feeling. For love to be true, it has to be fueled by commitment. And when we honor the commitment to honor our in-law no matter what, when we show up to what love requires regardless of what the other person is doing, this habit eventually pulls our feelings along toward true love.
Whether it’s an argument or harsh words, committed love has no room for endless exceptions. True love does not withdraw. Our commitment moves us toward the other person in hardship, not away. Love accepts inconsistencies. Ruth loved the real Naomi, not a dream of what she thought she should be.
By God’s grace and for his glory, we can live out our commitment to love. Because he loved us no matter what, we really can love our in-laws that way, too.
For reflection:
How do you typically define love? Are you living up to that definition? How does the story of Naomi and Ruth encourage or challenge your view?
When you think of your in-law relationship, where might you be refusing to show up to what love requires, regardless of the other person’s actions? Why do you think this is the case?
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Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace. She is the co-host of the Help & Hope podcast and writes Daily Treasure, an online devotional.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.