Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law
Sharon W. Betters
Today’s Treasure
Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert
Isaiah 43:18-19
Dear Friends,
Barbara Reaoch joins us this week and takes us into the hearts of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: Naomi and Ruth. Some of you are thinking, “Yes! I NEED help in getting along with my mother-in-law – or daughter-in-law!” Or maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve tried everything and have finally just given up on our relationship being anything other than polite.” Or your response is, “It’s too late. My mother-in-law is gone and I have many regrets. I don’t want to be reminded of everything I’ve done wrong.” Or you get along great with your “in-law”. And then, there some of you are tuning out because you’re single.
For those of you who think this topic doesn’t apply to them - don’t turn the page just yet! Because –
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness
2 Timothy 3:16
Like many of you, I’ve studied the lives of Ruth and Naomi. Their relationship is the basis of one of the chapters in my book, Treasures of Encouragement (treasuresofencouragement.org), and the book Susan Hunt and I co-authored, Aging with Grace, (agingwithgrace.online). I love Naomi and Ruth. I love how daughter-in-law Ruth stayed by Naomi’s side, even when it must have been scary and lonely. Ruth demonstrates hesed (a Hebrew word meaning –an unconditional love that does not depend on the responses of the other person). Naomi allows Ruth to see her in the throes of grief and lament but always in the context of deep faith. Two very different women find a way to care for one another. How did they do it?
Barbara takes us into their intricate and sometimes complicated relationship where we discover not only principles for a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship but for any relationship that can be difficult.
In Wednesday’s devotional, Barbara says,
“What if you have been hurt? Or your in-law is disagreeable? Maybe she’s even unkind. How can you love a woman so unlike you? She’s nothing like the person you dreamed she’d be. Is there any hope of developing a loving relationship with her?
We enter the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship expecting what we want—the best. Instead of the dream come true, suddenly it seems we’ve ended up in a nightmare. What can we do? Our unrealistic expectations have only made us super-sensitive. The ugliness of sin smacks us in the face. Our inconsistent feelings mislead us. How can we help but go in the wrong direction? Love has disappeared.
We’ve been hurt. We pull away. Self-protectively, we watch for more ways she’ll miss the mark. We begin to justify ourselves. She deserves my emotional distance. Our hearts say, “I’ll love my in-law when she stops hurting me.” As if love could ever be pain-free! We pretend to love our in-law, but we talk about her behind her back. We find ways to punish her or we take it out on our husbands. Bitterness and cynicism grow. How did we ever think we could stir up love? We give up.
Barbara’s exhortation to us is, “Don’t give up. There is hope.”
Barbara and her daughter-in-law, Stacy, co-authored, Making Room for Her: Wisdom for a Healthier Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law. I had the privilege of interviewing Barbara and Stacy for the Help & Hope podcast. These devotionals are excerpts from their book. Barbara is also the author of A Better Than Anything Christmas and often writes for Revive Our Hearts. She served as director of the Children’s Division of Bible Study Fellowship International. Barbara recently battled cancer so her contribution to Daily Treasure during this season of her life is even more special to me.
Travel with Barbara this week, visit Naomi and Ruth once more and get a glimpse into how two very women teach us how to reflect Jesus even in complicated, difficult relationships.
Treasured by Him,
Sharon
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Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace. She is the co-host of the Help & Hope podcast and writes Daily Treasure, an online devotional.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.