When I am Resentful at Thirty-five Years of Age

Writer's block. Five attempts at writing this week's blog with very little progress. And then I remembered finding a church newsletter, dated June 1983 as I cleaned out old files. There I found this article I wrote for the Woman to Woman column when I was thirty-five years old. I resisted the temptation to heavily edit. Twenty-three years later, there is still some truth here, especially for young moms. Several personal observations - I use to have a lot more energy, my plate was overflowing with too many tasks and no wonder I resented my life and the to do list that never seemed to get any shorter. So here's to you, all my young mom friends. You're not alone in those days of overwhelming tasks and you're weary from the inside out.

Woman to Woman

Monday morning. After a weekend of baseball practices for two sons, a softball tournament for my husband, church, laundry, meals and a "spring ahead" time change, I had a counseling quiz to study for, a Bible stud lesson to prepare, two counseling class papers to finish, six loads of laundry

to wash,dry, fold and put away, meals to plan. I was already tired with a full week staring me in the face.  Not only did the house need to be cleaned but the garden needed to be planted and the flower beds prepared.I was just plain tired of being everyone else's servant. And beside all that no one appreciated the things I did anyway.

Ever feel this way? Resentment and self-pity faced me with a choice - follow my feelings or do what was right in spite of my feelings. As a counselor, I knew what the right steps were that I should take in order to excuse myself from this pity party. After slamming things around for a while, I made a list of all the jobs I needed to finish that day in order of priority.  One at a time, I crossed each task off the list and with each completed task, my resentment grew. This wasn't working.

Turn on the music - loud. Nope, didn't help.

 In Genesis 4, when Cain's sacrifice as unacceptable to God, God told him that if he did what was right his sacrifice would be accepted and his countenance would rise. 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us that whatever we dow e should to to the glory of God. I believed that if I did what was right (fulfilled m responsibilities) and did it to please God (in spite of my feelings) that in time, my countenance (my feelings) would rise. By late afternoon, my list of things to do had dwindled to about half but I still didn't feel any different. Exercise, perhaps if I started moving, that would help. As I left the house to force myself to jog,

A verse I heard on the radio whispered another step in my ear...."to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified (Isaiah 61:3). Was praise the antidote to resentment?  This scripture sounded like one of the passages in our counseling class on repentance. Put off sin and put on righteousness. I wanted to rid myself of the resentment, but it seemed I need to put on praise, like a warm coat to replace it. I didn't like the way I started thanking God for our home, my husband, our children, food to eat, a roof over our heads. Slowly, the heaviness began to lift. The next day I accompanied Chuck to visit friends in the hospital. By the time I arrived home, the spirit of heaviness was gone. The to do list still waited, but my attitude changed.

The feelings I experienced that Monday could easily have led to a week of blueness. Based on conversations with other moms, I know I am not alone in struggling with resentment and depression.

Breaking the Resentment Cycle

The next time you begin to experience the frustrations I have described, try the following steps of actions. Through the power of God and obedience to Him, they work.

1. When feeling low -act. Don't stay in bed feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and get moving. Don't call a friend and ask her to join  our pity party. Do call a friend and ask her to pray with you.

(Genesis 4:1-8)

2. Make a list of all you need to accomplish. Prioritize the list and begin to do what's on the list.

(One trick I used was to include very single task, no matter how small, from making the bed, to sweeping the floor, so that I could cross them off and at the end of the day, have a real picture of everything I had accomplished.) Do those things in order to glory God in spite of the way you feel.

(1 Corinthians 10:31)

3. As you work, put on a "garment of praise." Thank God for hands and feet that are healthy, food to eat,a home, etc. Praise Him, out of obedience not feelings. (Isaiah 61:3)

4. Take a walk or exercise in some other way. Listen to up beat music, especially worship music. Music is powerful. Get your body moving.

5. Reach out in ministry to someone else. Don't reach out with the motivation of getting them to feel sorry for you but in order to build them up. Joy will come through service. Philippians 2:17.

In His grip,

Sharon