Forgiveness
"You are never more like Christ than when you forgive."
Let me repeat that, "You are never more like Christ than when you forgive." The betrayed woman listened carefully. How could she forgive such deep hurt? Yet hanging on to the metal cloak of anger and grief that she thought protected her from the reality of her own pain wearied her and brought no relief. She feared the root of bitterness planted in her soul and its spreading tentacles, especially its impact on her children. Yet forgiveness carried risk. Did forgiveness mean going back to the former relationship? Again? She knew forgiveness did not always mean restoration of a relationship. She had tried that with little relief...only to be disappointed again. So many questions, hard questions. This woman wanted to know how to experience joy once more, to be freed from the ever present memories of the betrayal.
Forgiveness requires sacrifice on the part of the betrayed. Yet, it's only through that sacrifice that we find freedom.
This is a difficult topic, I struggle to articulate my thoughts for I am conflicted at times by the call to forgive especially when the offender is not repentant. Especially when the hurt is obscene and leaves shattered lives that resemble a home destroyed by a bomb. Forgiveness and all its ramifications is not a topic we can fully unpack in a blog post. I have found it's easier to exhort forgiveness then it is for me to actually forgive.
Our son, Chuck, posted his thoughts about forgiveness on his Facebook page a few years ago and with his permission, I share them with you. Forgiveness, a hard choice, but remember my friend's words: You are never more like Christ than when you forgive.
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| Son Chuck L. Betters |
by Chuck L. Betters
When a person is redeemed, they are released from bondage or penalty by the payment of a ransom price. It is at the cross that Christ does his redeeming work for us. Condemned criminals, prisoners of war, and slaves are freed through his redeeming work. On the cross, Christ gave himself as a ransom for us (I Tim. 2:6). We are bought at a price (I Cor. 6:20). The price tag of forgiveness is costly. The redemption at the cross was costly-Christ became sin so that we may be justified.
So many times in life, we are hurt by others. Many times we may be deeply hurt by the people closest to us--maybe a spouse, a parent, a best friend, or a child. With genuine forgiveness, the person who was hurt actually absorbs the wrong and prevents it from spreading and multiplying. So basically, when you truly forgive someone, you bear the brunt of their wrongdoing.
Christ did this for us when He nailed the sinner's certificate of indebtedness to the cross and disarmed the rulers and authorities by making a public spectacle of them. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law by becoming a curse for us. There is an interesting verse all the way back in Deut. 21:23 that
says: for it is written, cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree. We have no clue how humiliating the cross was for Christ Jesus--he really did become a curse. He absorbed our wrongs. Gal 3:13 tells us that Christ died for the accursed. When you have been deeply wronged by another, there is no way to rush the healing process. You have been wounded and it will take time for those wounds to heal. There can be restoration in your own soul in this life, however. The decision you need to make is whether or not you are going to forgive the person who wronged you. The offending party can say they are sorry--but the question is whether or not you are going to actually forgive them. It bears repeating: forgiving another means that you assume, and bear the burden of the results of that person's sin.
When you forgive, the wounds will start to close up and will begin to heal. Depending on the sin, it may take a very long time. If you don't forgive the other person, you will carry around this pain, as an open wound, for the rest of your life. Many times, the person who offended us doesn't even ask for forgiveness or believe they were wrong in their actions. Still, we are confronted with the decision: to forgive or not to forgive.
As I write, I am currently recovering from back surgery. They cut me through the stomach, moved my insides all around, fused the vertebrae, and then closed me up. It will take a year or
longer for me to heal: if I ever fully heal. In the meantime, my body is reacting against the trauma. It did so by throwing very dangerous blood clots to my lungs. In other words, the process of recovering from the original wound almost killed me even though I was doing everything I could for my body to heal. It may almost kill you to forgive another person, and in fact, a part of you may have already died. For some it may feel like it is too much to bear to forgive another. Even after you forgive, the process of healing will be difficult. Here's the beautiful part: Christ raises the dead. In fact, it is through dying that we truly live. It is through "lost-ness" that we become found (Luke 15).
You may have been spiritually, emotionally, and even physically cut and wounded by another. The question is, will you forgive the other so those wounds can start to heal? When you don't forgive, that original wound remains open. What happens to open wounds? They become infected, they become a blemish, they are obvious to everyone around you, and it may spread to the rest of your body. Perhaps there is someone from your deep past whom you need to forgive. Perhaps now is the time for that wound to be closed up so the healing process can begin. Who is hurt more? The person who did the cutting, or the one who was cut and never really healed?
It may not be fair that the "ball is in your court" and that you are being asked to forgive another who has deeply hurt you. I know this will sound cliche'-ish: but it wasn't fair that Christ took our sins, our punishment, in His body, on the tree. When you forgive someone, you are standing in the gap for that person. You are becoming a Christ-type in their lives. When Christ forgives us, somehow, someway, He forgets the offense. It is as if we had never sinned. Then when God views us, we are justified freely! He became sin for us so that we could become the righteousness of God.
Who do you need to forgive?
In His Grip,
Sharon