Infidelity, Why?

The media headlines in America sound like a warning signal from God to His people from Galatians 6:1: "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."

Last year New Jersey's Governor McGreevy admitted to his homosexuality and stepped down from his office. Last week, New York's Governor Spitzer stepped down from his office after being exposed as having an $80,000 relationship with high-priced call girls. New York's new governor and his wife publicly admitted to marital infidelity during a rocky point in their own marriage. The new governor stated that the lives of politicians is a reflection of every day Americans. In other words, though their infidelity might be stunning, their struggles are normal. I know he's right. Sadly.

As a Christian, I try to read the headlines and hear the news through the grid of scripture. What is God saying through these events? The details are sordid and titillating. Every news show is showcasing marriage counselors, psychiatrists, counselors and so-called experts, in particular those who have written books on marital infidelity.

They all try to answer this question. Why would a man who has everything - a beautiful wife, lovely children, money, a position of influence and power - risk it all for moments of physical pleasure? I have another question. What moves a woman to enter into such betrayal with a man?

One psychologist stated that there are two characteristics that are dominant in people who cheat (and yes, let's call it what it is, cheating). These people are typically impulsive and narcissistic. Their own pleasure takes precedence over the needs of their spouses and children. When given an opportunity to satisfy their pleasure, they react impulsively without thought for the long range consequences of their behavior. (Sounds like a definition of all sin.)

Another expert said that men and women are designed to procreate so men are always looking for a younger woman who can bear children and women are always looking for men who will protect them and have the means to provide for children (thus the attraction of older, financially, mature men to younger women).

Let's not forget marital boredom and unmet emotional needs.

One interviewer noted that it seems all of this discussion about reasons for marital betrayal is creating a climate of permissiveness and acceptance of marital infidelity. The expert responded that though these might be driving forces for cheating, people have inhibitions that protect families. He suggested that most people still care about their reputations (apparently some powerful people do not, a la Mr. Spitzer and Mr. McGreevy) and that would be enough to curtail such destructive behavior.

Let's get real. People commit adultery because they are sinners. The biblical template for marriage is one woman, one man, one lifetime. There's a reason for God's plan. One is that biblical marriage is to reflect the relationship of Christ to His church. God created us with a need to feel safe and He says we are safe in His presence. Among many other things, marriage should make a husband and wife feel safe.

Adultery creates havoc with that safety.

I've held broken women in my arms as they have tried to put into words the raw anguish of betrayal. The countenance of Mrs. Spitzer when her husband announced his resignation is a familiar one that reflects the terrible damage that betrayal causes. One of Mr. Spitzer's aides said that when he saw Mrs. Spitzer's face, he knew the cheating was true. I've seen a young woman's face become old within seconds when she learns about her husband's betrayal.

But I've also seen the broken heart of a husband who suddenly realizes what he has done and his desperation to win back his wife's love and trust. And I've had the privilege of walking toward restoration with broken couples and seeing the power of God's grace to redeem the pain of sin.

So what's my take away point for this entry? Sisters, listen to me. Men commit adultery with women. Are you one of those women? When you are with another woman's husband, are you thinking about his wife? Chuck and I have heard almost unbelievable rationalization for adultery that started with emotional affairs. (As long as we're not having sex, we're doing nothing wrong. I'm not trying to take him away from his wife, just enjoying his attention. We're just friends. God brought us together to encourage one another. God wants me happy. He makes me happy. How could something that feels so good be sinful? And then there's the oldest line in the book: He understands me in a way my husband doesn't.)

Write this down in your journal. If you are committing adultery, admit you know you are helping this man destroy another woman's life. At least be honest before God and yourself that you are intentionally breaking up another woman's home. Do NOT use the excuse that you didn't cause the problems and therefore, you hold no culpability for the destruction of their home. If there are children, admit you are intentionally helping this man create massive problems and life-long heartbreak for his children.

All the psycho mumbo jumbo are worthless platitudes to the children in broken homes.

In this very moment, memories of women shattered by their husbands' betrayal are flashing across my mind: and I can barely stand the pain of their faces.

Please, sisters in Christ, do not listen to the whispers of the enemy. Run, run, run away from any relationship that tempts you to violate another woman's marriage or yours. You have a choice to obey God and trust HIM to meet the desires of your heart in a way that reflects His principles and values. Your happiness does not rest with a man who would betray his wife and children to be with you. If he is unfaithful to his present wife, you will never trust him to be faithful to you.

Redeeming such situations are like trying to unravel bowls of cooked spaghetti. The place to start is with biblical principles no matter how impossible they appear to keep. Start with the first one in God's commandments: You will have no other gods before me. Recognize that when you choose adultery, you are worshiping the idol of self, not God.

In His Grip,

Sharon

(Originally Posted At : March 19, 2008 3:59 PM | Posted By : Sharon Betters)