Let Go for Good
The funniest TV moms are those characters that are often over-the-top, exaggerated versions of real-life moms. They are the moms who interfere in their adult children's lives. Moms who tell their adult children what they should and shouldn’t wear, whom to date or not date, and even step in and fix their work problems for them. We laugh at these television characters because they’re ridiculous and because there’s a grain of truth in them.
It’s hard to let go of our adult children. It’s hard to shift from being in charge of their life to sitting on the sidelines and watching them make their own decisions—and mistakes. It’s hard to no longer be needed like we once were. It’s hard to take on a different role in our children's lives.
A mentor friend of mine once shared that when her children entered adulthood, she told them to expect some bumps along the way as she navigated the new normal. She told them, “I won’t always get it right. This is new, and it will take time.” It’s a challenging adjustment for us as parents, but it’s important that we do.
Letting Go Is Good for Them
As hard as it is, this change is for the best. Motherhood is essentially working ourselves out of a job. We labor for all those years so that one day, our children grow up and fly on their own. Our job is to prepare them for that day.
This means it is good for adult children to navigate adult things and make mistakes. To pick the less than perfect job in the less than perfect town. To do things that are different than what we would. To make decisions we would not make. To find their way in this world independent from us.
Letting go ultimately means we are entrusting our adult children to God. He knows what they need far more than we do. He has a perfect plan for them that will grow them in Christ-likeness. He is at work in their lives, working out all the details of their days for their good and His glory.
Letting Go Is Good for Us
One of the hardest struggles for parents in this season of letting go, particularly for moms, is the shift in our identity and purpose. So much of our identity is wrapped up in being a mom—in being needed, in being the one who makes things better, in caring for everyone’s needs—that when our children move out of the house and live on their own, we find ourselves without purpose. Motherhood is such a significant part of our lives that the shift to being an empty nester is jarring.
The truth is, God is not done with us yet. There is much left for us in this world. As we move into a new season, God will use us in different ways. He will use our gifts for the good of His Kingdom. Letting go of our adult children as they live their adult lives is good for us, so we can be used by God in different ways to bless our churches, communities, and workplaces for His good purposes.
Even more, this new season provides opportunities for us to trust the Lord in new ways. We can lean on Him and find Him to be a comfort and a shelter for us. It also affords us time to invest in our relationship with the Lord, to see afresh how He showers us with His grace. We can focus on studying the Word in ways we couldn’t do before. We can dig deeper into learning more about His character and His ways. We can also take the time to invest in those who are behind us, passing on the things God has taught us.
As hilarious as those TV moms who interfere in the lives of their adult children can be, let’s not be one of them. Let us instead embrace the season God has given us, let go of what needs to be let go, and move forward to be used by Him in this world.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
What are you struggling with letting go of? Why is it good to let go and let our adult children experience life on their own? How might God use you in the next season of your life?
PRAYER
Father in heaven, I thank You that You don’t leave us where You find us but that You are always working in us something new. In this new season of life, help me to be open handed and trusting of the work You are doing. Help me to let go of being in control and rest in You, for You hold all things. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Christina Fox received her undergraduate degree from Covenant College and her master’s in counseling from Palm Beach Atlantic University. She is a retreat speaker, content editor for enCourage, and the author of multiple books, including Closer Than a Sister: How Union with Christ Helps Friendships to Flourish, Idols of a Mother’s Heart, and Like Our Father: How God Parents Us and Why That Matters for Our Parenting. She also works in alumni relations for Covenant College. Christina prefers her coffee black and from a French press, and enjoys antiquing, hiking, traveling, and reading. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they are empty nesters. You can find her at @christinarfox.
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Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace. She is the co-host of the Help & Hope podcast and writes Daily Treasure, an online devotional.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.
