Mark Sanford's Other Woman

Sin takes on different form in each of our lives but some sins wreak a horizontal havoc that is an ever widening circle of grief and destruction, especially behavior that betrays human trust and children's safety in their homes.

Adultery is such a sin. This post is for women who are committing adultery or flirting with the possibilities. I have addressed this topic in previous posts but in light of the past two weeks of confessions from two self-proclaimed family oriented public figures, out of love for my covenant family, I am pleading once more with adulterous women to consider carefully the consequences of their betrayal of another woman.

And that is my question. Please, please help me understand how you can intentionally destroy another woman's life by committing adultery with her husband? I wish you could see my face and hear the sorrow in my question rather than condemnation and judgment. Elizabeth Edwards asked the same question about the other woman in her husband's life - how can one woman do this to anther woman? My heart sunk when Governor Sanford, a professing Christian, confessed his adulterous relationship with a woman in Argentina. What struck me was his priority to protect the specialness of his relationship to this woman, saying that they had a precious friendship for eight years that "sparked" into something more about a year ago. Like so many others caught in adultery, he stated that they never intended for this to happen. True confession on my part - instead of sympathy for Mark Sanford and his partner in adultery, my jaded thoughts were, "If the truth is ever told, he will confess that he knew eight years ago that he wanted this woman in a way that was outside of marriage. He will confess that all along his attraction to her was more than friendship and that instead of running away from temptation as God commands us to do, Mark Sanford rationalized that he could handle a close relationship with this woman."

And sure enough, what Mark Sanford and "Maria" thought were private, intimate love notes now are public evidence of a long term sensuous relationship. Emails meant for their eyes only are now part of Internet history. In the context of one romantic, intimate email Governor Sanford proclaims to his adulterous partner that he knew when he first met her that she was special.

The more the press gleefully exposes , the more clearly we see scriptural truth played out in front of our eyes. We can't believe how irrationally Governor Sanford behaved, in particular taking off for Argentina to meet with his partner in adultery without regard for the affairs of State to which he had been elected. And yet scripture clearly outlines the way that adulterers step by step lose common sense and rational thinking. The slope of adultery is slippery indeed.

My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man's house. At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. You will say, "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors. I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly."

(Proverbs 5:1 - 14)

Please know that I do not want to be one more person who is shaking her head and tsk, tsking in condemnation. God doesn't waste any of our mistakes or sinful choices. Exposed sin in public figures must drive us to acknowledge, "There but for the grace of God go I.." We pray that the Sanfords can find their way back to each other and that their family legacy will be one of redemption and forgiveness. Mark Sanford's fall ought to be a teaching moment for us. The enemy is patient, like a lion, stalking his prey, waiting for just the right moment to pounce. Eight years of long distance "friendship" was a smoldering fire waiting to explode. Teaching Moment: Is there a "friendship" in your life that you need to re-examine in light of this sad tale?

Others have already begun to diagnose the reasons Mark Sanford and his partner in adultery committed such a heinous betrayal of Jenny Sanford. I've heard "experts" whitewash and excuse this sinful behavior by saying that some men are wired for such risk-taking, that their testosterone drives their foolish decisions, but that they really still love their wives. These "experts" need to have a sit down with God on this one. "You shall not commit adultery...

Teaching Moment:

In case you are trying to rationalize what adultery means, let me make it more clear - no emotional adultery, either.

You shall not steal [another woman's husband]... You shall not covet your neighbor's wife [or husband]...

Girls, you will meet, if you haven't already, men who belong to other women who you wish you could have as your own. Teaching Moment: As soon as you have that thought, run away from the relationship. As soon as you think, "He's such a good guy and his wife mistreats him....I can make up for his wife's short fallings by being his friend....." run faster from that relationship. Adulterers and adulteresses are steeped in deception and cannot be believed. Initially, they lie to themselves. Some women color their emotional adultery by pretending to care about the man's wife and children.

Teaching Moment:

Hear me on this. The truth is if you are flirting with a married man, you do NOT care about his wife and children, nor do you care for him. Mark Sanford himself admitted that if he really cared for this other woman, he wouldn't have involved her in circumstances that had no future except humiliation and devastation. Before you prepare your emotional defense of such behavior, remember that I'm only the messenger. God has already made it clear that adultery destroys people and cuts the nerve of a marriage.

Ultimate Teaching Moment:

If you are involved in adultery, repent of your sin and get help now. Remember, repentance is a two-fold process - we must put off the adultery and put on our husbands. God can redeem the pain but you must start with repentance. The longer you allow it to continue the more you risk ever understanding God's love and forgiveness. Over the years I have pleaded with adulterous women to repent. I have begged them to see Jesus' love and for His glory to walk in holiness. Sadly, few listen. Repentance drives us to the Cross where we will find the greatest love that paid dearly to redeem us from the pit.

If you have experienced that kind of forgiveness, there is a woman who needs to hear your story. You can email me anonymously through this blog or with your contact information through Sharon.betters@markinc.org.

And if you are a victim of adultery, perhaps your story will help open the eyes of the "other woman" that God is calling to repentance.

In His grip,

Sharon

(Originally Posted At : July 1, 2009 10:31 PM   | Posted By : Sharon Betters)