An Ignoble Death
Prelude: To all the moms who have experienced the heartbreaking epidemic of losing a child to something as preventable as a drug overdose—this is for you.
The pain is unimaginable, and the grief is often carried in silence. Unlike other losses, this kind of death is too often placed in a separate, quieter category—one that can feel isolating and heavy with unspoken judgment. And yet, the truth is this: the numbers are staggering. Just this year alone, thousands of young people, ages 15 to 24, have died from drug overdoses. The crisis is silent. It is swift. It is ruthless.
Please know that you are not alone. Your loss is not forgotten. This piece is for you—to remind you who your child is in God’s eyes.
I remember the phone call like it was yesterday; arrows that pierce the heart tend to embed themselves in memory. I was still smack in the middle of my own storm when a well-meaning friend called to tell me about the loss of yet another young life.
She tearfully choked out how this death was horrific, unbearable, and a true tragedy on so many levels. “How must his family be coping under such extreme loss?” she exclaimed. You see, this young man died in the line of duty. He was a hero with a brilliant future ahead of him.
My heart sank deeper with each lamenting word about his ‘good life,’ his ‘accomplishments’, his ‘many accolades,’ and ‘oh, how much his mother had lost in his death.’
She must have forgotten that I, too, was a mom who had suffered a loss just a few months earlier. It was my oldest son. But his death was one of the 'ignoble' ones—the kind that doesn't come with public praise or accolades. These are the deaths that result from drugs, alcohol, suicide, or other consequences of unhealthy choices—lives whose inherent worth, especially in death, is often devalued and overshadowed by their struggles and ultimate demise.
These losses are different. They come with public scrutiny, judgment, and an added weight of guilt in an already traumatic situation. There is no legacy of praise or honor for a ‘wonderful life’ lived. Instead, the passing of this person is often seen as an act of failure—a self-inflicted collapse unworthy of attention, except as fodder for gossip or pity from those who feel sorry for you.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
But that is the world’s view—not God’s! In the midst of my own soul conflict, I centered my thoughts on Jesus. He is the only One who sees all mankind as valuable, regardless of who we are, or what credentials, status, or achievements we wear. So much so that while we were still sinning against Him, He sacrificed His own life for us. He is the One who graciously claims all who accept His free gift of life and sees them as royalty—chosen ones—flaws and all.
My son struggled much of his life, but he also loved God. His missteps often led to a fresh revelation of the character, goodness, mercy, and unfailing love of God—gifts far more valuable than any earthly treasure.
I imagine Jesus was waiting at the pearly gates, arms wide open, as He saw one of His children coming home. He didn’t evaluate his life—or his death—based on works. He simply saw his redeemed heart and welcomed him home.
And in His eyes, all broken hearts weigh equally. Thankfully, He is the restorer of all things broken.
PRAYER
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound to the wounded, broken, and sorrowing. Oh Father, thank you for such love that You sent Jesus to rescue us from our sin and walk with us all the way Home. Amen.
Andrea Maher is the former editor-in-chief of PARENT ABC’S, a monthly magazine. Her writings have been featured in local newspapers and parenting publications nationwide. She writes a monthly blog, Women Arise, for Soldiers for Faith Ministries. She is the author of SLAMMED: Overcoming Tragedy in the Wave of Grief, and her newly released book, “LETTERS TO MY SON: Solely a God-Story” is available through Amazon.
She is the executive director of the Be Still Foundation, a ministry that disseminates hope and encouragement to families in crisis. She has been married to her husband John for 50 years and has four children and 12 grandchildren, with another expected in the spring. You can listen to Andrea’s MARKINC Help & Hope story: Surviving a Tsunami of Grief, and her son, Matt’s Help & Hope Story: One Wrong Decision Can Change Everything.
Link to Andrea’s Help & Hope interview https://markinc.org/help-and-hope/2018/4/19/breaking-free-from-the-tsunami-of-grief-a-conversation-with-andrea-maher?rq=andrea%20maher
For more from Andera, visit:
https://www.bestillfoundation.org/blogs?author=5f8b589c3a10846d623672ff
Reprinted from www.bestillfoundation.org with permission from Andrea Maher
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Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace. She is the co-host of the Help & Hope podcast and writes Daily Treasure, an online devotional.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.
