When Sisters Collide
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 2: 3-5
In our early twenties and believing we were going to turn the world upside down for Jesus, my husband, Chuck, longed to preach in a way that drew listeners to Christ. He sat through a conference, listening to pastors preach, but always left with the question, “So what?” The messages fell short on digging into the riches of scripture and showing listeners how to apply biblical truth to their own lives. Chuck’s experience led him to commit to expository preaching and to include in every message a “so what?” The pattern of Paul’s writings confirmed his decision. Paul has a pastor’s instinct for the “So what?” He refuses to leave truth floating in the clouds. He brings it home to the kitchen table of church life, where personalities rub, misunderstandings grow legs, and small offenses can become major wars.
And he does something startling: he names two women.
I plead with Euodia… and I plead with Syntyche…
Philippians 4:2
This naming tells us the conflict had become public enough to threaten the unity of the church. These were not anonymous bystanders. They were prominent women, each gifted and influential. At one time, they had “contended” alongside Paul in the cause of the gospel (Phil. 4:3). They had been teammates. Now they were rival forces. Been there? Paul’s approach is masterful: firm, but tender. He pleads, exhorts, and even begs. He does all this with a kind of humility that shows his love: “Please, please resolve this.”
Notice what he does not say. He does not say, “One of you is right, and the other is wrong” (even if that might have been true in part). He does not reduce the conflict to a personality issue. He does not tell them to “just get over it” or “act like adults.” He says, “Agree in the Lord.”
The Goal of Knowing Christ
This phrase is important. Agreement in the Lord doesn’t mean pretending differences don’t exist. It means locating your unity where it truly belongs: in Christ. It means remembering what is bigger than your opinions, preferences, and your wounded pride. It means asking, “How do we honor Jesus here? How do we protect His church? How do we reflect the gospel?”
Paul has brilliantly prepared them for this moment. He already told the whole church:
Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel…
stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man.
Philippians 1:27
Then he drilled it deeper:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition…
In humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3
Then he pointed to Jesus:
The One who did not grasp His rights, but humbled Himself…
Philippians 2:5-8
In other words, these women could not claim they didn’t know what obedience looked like. Paul had been teaching them the pathway all along.
Now he applies it to them.
He also wisely invites help:
I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women…
Philippians 4:3
That tells us the women had likely tried and were stuck. Sometimes we cannot untangle a conflict alone. This is not proof you are hopeless Christians. It is proof you need the body. One of the privileges of covenant community is that we can ask a mature believer to come alongside to help us “take hold together” the task of reconciliation.
And ladies, let’s be honest, women often have particular influence in a church for good or for harm. We know how to gather forces and to keep fires burning with whispered conversations, selective storytelling, “prayer requests” that are not really prayer requests at all. Paul is concerned for the name of Christ. Division in the church dishonors the gospel.
But look at Paul’s hope: he assumes obedience. He says “Yes…” as though he expects they will respond. There is something powerful in being treated as someone capable of doing what is right. I have seen this in counseling and friendships. When someone says, “I know you want to honor Jesus,” it can steady a wavering heart.
So what does this mean for you today?
If you are in conflict, don’t pretend it’s harmless. Conflict has a way of growing if left unattended.
Don’t spiritualize avoidance. Peacekeeping is not the same as peacemaking.
Don’t isolate. Ask for help if you are stuck.
And don’t forget: reconciliation is not optional. It is the fruit of the gospel we claim to believe.
Agree in the Lord. This may mean you apologize even when you feel only half justified. It may mean you listen longer than you want to. It may mean you refuse to rehearse your case to others. It may mean you choose gentleness over “being right.”
When Growth Feels Small
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
If a relationship in the body of Christ is strained, take one concrete step within the next 48 hours: pray for that person by name, ask God to bless her, and then consider whether you need to initiate a humble conversation. If you’ve tried and are stuck, seek a wise “yokefellow” to help you move toward peace.
PRAYER
Lord Jesus, You purchased Your church with Your blood. Forgive me for the ways I have fed division, through pride, gossip, stubbornness, or avoidance. Give me humility like Yours. Teach me to agree in the Lord, to love Your people, and to protect the unity of the Spirit. In Your name, amen.
Are there other women in your life who could benefit from a daily dose of encouragement? Forward this email so they can click on this link to Subscribe to Daily Treasure to be better equipped to walk by faith on the pathway God has marked out for them.
Sharon W. Betters is a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, pastor’s wife, and cofounder of MARKINC Ministries, where she is the Director of Resource Development. Sharon is the author of several books, including Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace. She is the co-host of the Help & Hope podcast and writes Daily Treasure, an online devotional.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.
