Entering the Ugly
What She Said - Part 7
Sarah Didier Jefferson
Today’s Treasure
Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion…
Colossians 3:12
The Memphis sun streamed brightly through the window that early evening in 1955. Three young babies played in the other room as Betty welcomed her husband home. From the closet, he casually informed her, “Betty, I think I’m going to go it alone.” And just like that, it was decided. He was leaving her. There she stood, the girl who came from nothing, married the guy who had everything, completely gutted.
Divorced: a label that was truly a red letter of that day. As she broke the news to her family, Betty’s mother was so overcome with the embarrassment and stigma of divorce she screamed out a horrific wail and was later admitted to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
As Betty waded through the weeks and months ahead as a single mother in the mid-50s, she was the unbelievable story some couldn’t help but whisper. Yet that story was her life, leaving her broken and alone in the ugly she did not choose.
Have you been there? Struggling under the pile of hard circumstances life passes out, drowning in the wake of another’s decisions, or wearing a label you didn’t choose? Perhaps you’ve found yourself wading through the ugly as you pass “friends” in the grocery store, the very ones you sit shoulder-to-shoulder with in the pews at church, yet they won’t even make eye contact.
Maybe you’ve been the recipient of some heartless one-liners, “you know God works all things together for His good.” Or, “He’s in a better place now.” Even the statements that leave you arrested at the moment, “I pray for you when I think of you. Although, I really don’t (really) think of you that often.”
In Take Heart: 100 Devotions To Seeing God When Life’s Not Okay, Elizabeth Manley shares, “As a bereaved mother who is also a pastor’s wife, I have seen firsthand what can happen when we gloss over the pain to point to the hope of heaven. When we do this, we actually highlight our own discomfort of the hard, not the comfort of hope. We do not need to throw the blanket of God’s sovereignty over the struggle and pretend that everything is okay. Life can be terribly hard and God can still be good. I know it’s difficult to enter into someone else’s pain, but I’ve learned that we must be willing to be uncomfortable and bear the weight together if we’re to show one another Christ.”
The pages of Scripture are filled with remarkable stories of God entering the ugly of His people. But I love how Mark 1:41 recounts Jesus with the man suffering from leprosy. “Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched him.” Instead of running from the ugly, He entered it. But He went even further and touched it. True to His nature, Jesus never regarded His life as His own. Even in the discomfort, the pain, the stigma, the outcast— it was always about serving the will of His Father.
What if our lives were that missional? What if we were moved with compassion like that? What if we stopped making someone else’s hard about us by obsessing over our own comfort and perfect words and instead focused on loving others well in the midst of their discomfort? Simply being there. Praying. Acknowledging the ugly and just saying, “This is hard! I’m so very sorry.”
As she began to pick up the broken pieces of her life, a friend did choose to enter Betty’s ugly, inviting the single mother of three to the Backyard Club, an organization of Child Evangelism. There, she would hear the good news of Jesus anew. Broken and alone, she cried out to God to save her. Her eyes newly opened to the only Lasting Hope she had ever known. She also met life-giving friends who loved her like family. Men who fathered her children, people who set aside their own comfort to point her to the hope of Jesus.
You see, Betty’s story is the story of my grandmother, Grammy. The woman whose impossible heartbreak, isolation, and devastation would lead her to be the first person in her family to ever be saved by grace, through faith in Jesus. My Grammy is proof that entering someone’s ugly doesn’t have to be hard. It can be a simple invitation God uses to change lives for all eternity for generations to come.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
Do we move about as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, known by our compassion and willingness to enter the ugly, uncomfortable circumstances of others to show some wounded, hurting soul Jesus? Are we the fragrance of Christ, an aroma of life, that’s described in 2 Corinthians 2:15-16?
My beautiful Grammy was a strong, brave, courageous woman. When people would call her house she would answer, “Jesus loves you! Isn’t that good news?” She knew the God who sees, the God who loves in the midst of the hardest, ugliest days. His love for her caused her to be moved with such compassion she wanted others to know Him too.
Her life has taught me so much and continues to even after her death! Before she died, she wrote all of us a letter reminding us of the truth from Psalms 34:8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the person who takes refuge in Him.” As we have waded through hard, ugly things I know she would continue to encourage me, “you can’t taste if you’re not sitting with Him and feasting from His table. That’s the joy in the midst of the hard, child.”
Today, in middle Tennessee, I’m grateful for the legacy of a woman who was changed because someone chose to enter her ugly with a simple invitation that changed the trajectory of many generations. That friend’s compassion and choice to be a life-giver, pointed her wounded soul to the only hope in this life—Jesus! May we be those friends who put on compassion and choose to enter the ugly of others so that we might show them the hope we have in Christ Jesus.
PRAYER
Oh Lord God, give us a fresh vision to see the fully surrendered life of Jesus. Transform our thinking to see people as You do, being moved with compassion to love and serve those walking dark, hard circumstances. Don’t let us miss it for fear of the ugly, painful, uncomfortable circumstances of life!
Are there other women in your life who could benefit from a daily dose of encouragement? Forward this email so they can click on this link to Subscribe to Daily Treasure to be better equipped to walk by faith on the pathway God has marked out for them.
Sharon W. Betters is author of Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness, co-author of Treasures of Faith. and co-author with Susan Hunt of Aging with Grace, Flourishing in an Anti-Aging Culture. She is Director of Resource Development and co-founder of MARKINC.org, a non-profit organization that offers help and hope to hurting people. Sharon enjoys quality time with her husband, children, fourteen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.
Contact Sharon with comments or questions at dailytreasure@markinc.org.